This guy is hilarious

It's fucking cold!

After college I spent six months in Korea re-learning the language. It was a period of partying, drinking some soju, partying some more and then drinking some more soju. Student life is fantastic in Korea (if you're not in High School) and I loved that place. Not only it was Motherland but I had some characteristics that were very attractive to several native girls. Ooo lah lah.

One night I met two of these native females for dinner and the schedule was as usual. We met at the New York Bakery in Kangnam subway station and we'd then decide where to go, what to eat and what to do next. It was cold like crazy, something in the neighborhood of -20 C (which is -4 F) and it was windy.

After the restaurant was settled we decided to walk there instead of taking a cab, and since it was cold, both girls got closer and held my arms very tight. So there was I, walking in the crowded night of Seoul, with two cute girls cuddled tight in my arms. It would have been great, but the cold didn't let me think of anything else. It was like the wind was penetrating through the seams of my coat and hitting me hard with its gelid hands!

I never felt so cold in my life.

Until now.

It's been so cold in the Seattle area (no, not -4 F) and snowing so much (what was it, 20 inches in the last week?) that my very soul is frozen.

Help!

Future World IV - My Pet Peeves

Follow this link for part I on this series.
Follow this link for part II on this series.
Follow this link for part III on this series.

Since the three first installments of this series were so serious, I'll try to make this last one a lot lighter. This is gonna be a list of the stuff and people I hate in the Internet.

And enjoy some music while you read. This is Marisa Monte, the best Brazilian singer ever, singing "Amor I Love You" (Love, I love you). If you want to forward, she starts singing at 0:45.



(1) Acronyms
I guess everybody knows the basic. LOL means Laughing Out Loud, BRB means Be Right Back and ROFLMAO means Rolling On the Floor Laughing My Ass Off. But don't you hate when people use acronyms that are too obscure to make sense at the first sight? I understand acronyms should be used to save time, but whose time are they saving? Not mine, since I have to research to find out what these fuckers are trying to say. Who the fuck knows that NALOPKT means Not A Lot Of People Know That and RTFM means Read The Fucking Manual (just noticed that the answer could be NALOPKT)? It's FUBAR.

(2) Hysteric Hyenas
You know who they are. They write you an email with 100 words and 50 are LOL. What's so funny that these people are constantly laughing out loud while they're typing something in the Internet? I'd like some of what they're smoking. I could do with some laughing.

(3) Wannabe Don Juans
These guys are always looking for girls in chat rooms and message boards. They're always sending you private messages trying to determine your gender. And as soon as they realize you're a guy they lose interest in you completely (thanks God).

(4) Scams
There are several types of scams but some of them are classic. Like when the Crown Prince of Nigeria writes an email asking you to transfer 10 thousand dollars to his account so he can free his father, King Ngorosi, who's in prison after a military coup. Of course, after his Majesty is free he will send you 10 million dollars.

(5) Chain mail
You probably get 4 or 5 of these everyday, telling you that life is beautiful, everybody loves you and that if you forward this email to 500 people something wonderful will happen to you. Fail to do that though, and your dick will fall off.

(6) Spam
I'm Asian and, despite the stereotype, I'm perfectly happy with the size of my dick. What's more important, my wife is happy too. And for your information, all the girls who have had the pleasure of handling my dick were very happy and satisfied. So, please stop sending me all these emails with information on how to increase my dick by 2 inches! Who wants to double the size of their cock anyway (kidding!!!!!)?

(7) Statistics
93.5% of the statistics in the Internet are invented.

(8) People who upload fake movie torrents
Have you guys ever downloaded a copy of "Iron Man", sat in front of the computer with your wife and then clicked on the movie just to see a guy sucking another guy's cock? No? Yeah, me neither. But it must be embarrassing.

(9) Pop-ups
God, I used to hate these. Now, most decent browsers have pop-up blockers but there are still a couple of them that make through the filter. Usually the ones that actually pop up are those with a wide open pussy when you're in the office and there's a girl reading over your shoulder.

(10) Mediocre people
Nowadays, all idiots with mediocre IQs want to write a blog and show how funny and smart they can be. They think people care what they have to say and laugh at their stupid jokes. Well, reality check for you people. Nobody reads, nobody cares and nobody laughs. Only people with superior IQs (like me) should write blogs.

Well, there are more stuff that I hate in the Internet, but I also hate writing long posts and probably by now the song is over. I may continue the list later, let's see (I also hate when I can't find a good ending for a post).

You know what I'm sayin'?

This is pretty old but it's still funny to hear Asian guys talk like that.



And just so you know, I don't know what you sayin' because you ain't saying shit, mathafacka!

Music has no color and no race

Black people, please be smart and understand I mean no harm when I use the word "niggas".

Black niggas


Korean niggas


Mexican niggas


Brazilian niggas


Iranian niggas

First snow in Bellevue, WA

At 10:00 PM of Friday, December 12th, it's snowing for the first time this winter. It's beautiful but I hope it doesn't stick.

Future World III - Big Brother

Follow this link for part I on this series.
Follow this link for part II on this series.

I was amazed by my own brilliance. The solution seemed so obvious and functional. Of course it would be difficult to implement and lots of scenarios would have to be thought over and over. Creating a system to identify everybody in the Internet is a Herculean job, worthy of big company (Google, Microsoft, Yahoo and others at the same level) efforts.

There was also potential to earn some money with it. Placement of ads in the website, a fee to obtain the IIN (Internet Identification Number), synchronization of data through the IIN and the works. This potential made my plan even more brilliant and I was enthused about it. I had to share it with people. I had to have external feedback. Not that I would pitch the idea to anybody and I don't even know if this is the first time someone thinks of it. I just wanted to know what other people thought about it.

So I mentioned it to a friend who's also been a netizen for a long time and happens to work in a field closely related to it (he runs an amazingly popular website and makes tons of money). He listened to my idea with his usual attention and he also seemed amazed. He had a look of astonishment in his face and I thought that, after overcoming the brilliance of my idea, he would embrace me and say something like "Let's make this happen and make money together!"

Instead, what I got was his disappointed face and the words "You're getting more and more conservative with age."

I confronted him with my examples of suicides (described on part I), how children were using the Internet and that we should make it a safer place. He argued that although dangerous, since the Internet is a place like anywhere else, the weak will always suffer and the strong will always prevail. Those children, in his opinion, would have failed anyway. Furthermore, he said people should have the right to anonymity, otherwise we would have this Big Brother controlling what everybody does.

Funny thing, I concluded. I thought I was being innovative and promoting a safer Internet, but my friend thought I was just being conservative and maybe advocating a state of absolute control in the virtual world. A dictatorship, shall we say.

I understand his arguments and they're not completely lacking in merit. After all, the real world provides us with opportunities for anonymity. I can send a letter and not write down my name and address. I can also write stuff in somebody's walls. I can make prank calls. I can place an anonymous ad on a newspaper. I can drop a letter in somebody's front lawn.

Probably there are lots of other things I could do and still stay anonymous, but the point here is that there's a lot of work involved in the process and there's always the chance of getting caught in the act (in at least one of the cases I mentioned, I can go to jail if I get caught). In the real world it's not easy to be anonymous, not mentioning the fact that people who want to stay anonymous are probably involved in suspicious affairs, like crime.

My friend and I didn't have much time to talk on that day so what he probably didn't get (and I didn't have the smarts to explain) is that there's a difference between privacy and anonymity. I'm all for privacy. If there's somebody smoking weed or jerking off to a picture of Hyori Lee in the privacy of their homes, I have nothing to do with it.


(By the way, Hyori is looking damn good in that picture. I may have to exercise my privacy later.)

So in the Internet, I'm also all for privacy. As far as I'm concerned, if you're there downloading all the porn that you can take or reading the most offensive material in the world, I have nothing to do with it (as long as it doesn't involve pigs and/or eels). But if you're there writing offensive posts or hate mail maybe somebody should know who you are just in case you cause some serious damage.

While privacy is good and should be respected, anonymity can be very dangerous. And in the Internet, doing things anonymously doesn't require work like in real life. On the contrary, in the Internet, anonymity is facilitated and even encouraged.

Future World II - The Solution

Follow this link for part I on this series.

To my knowledge, Korean netizens top the list when it comes to being annoying and rude. Excessive pride and a collective chip on the shoulders will never produce civilized individuals in an environment of encouraged anonymity. To add insult to injury, South Korea is one of the most wired countries in the world, and the mob mentality only increases the rudeness of these trolls. And, since the rest of the world is not that much better than the Koreans, the stage is set for pages and pages of stupidity.

Sports message boards seem to be an area of special interest to these idiots. And whenever Korea is slightly involved there's always the presences of the stupid Korean troll and the even more stupid antagonizers they seem to attract so easily. A good example would be the public message boards for the 2002 World Cup. It's been a long time ago but I remember that the conspiracy theory (Korea's progress in the competition was facilitated by bribes and not by their own football prowess) generated several heated online arguments. More often than not, these discussions became race oriented and people were talking more about the size of their dicks than football.

Another good example are the Major League Baseball message boards of whatever team has a Korean player. In the years when Chan Ho Park was performing well in Los Angeles, half of the posts in the Dodgers message boards were about him and most of them didn't discuss any baseball but were merely praising the Korean pitcher's talent (back then he was good), often in broken English.

The same thing happened when Chan Ho Park signed with Texas for an absurd amount of money. The Rangers message boards were infested with Koreans and their usual posts about Park and Korean Pride. By this time though, he wasn't performing well at all (that was probably one of the worst free agent contracts ever) and this attitude by Korean trolls of course attracted the worst reactions from people and, soon enough, nasty comments involving nationalities and races were more predominant than baseball discussions.

These insults would never take place in the real world or if the authors had to identify themselves. Most of the insulting comments are made by cowards anyway and cowards are not known to do anything that may harm them physically (like risking their faces to the violent encounter with an incoming fist).

So, what if everybody in the Internet had to identify themselves?

No, I'm not saying that you should supply your SSN, address, age, gender and cock size whenever you want to access porn or read the news in the Internet. No identification needed on downloads, only uploads. If you want to access content, you can do it anonymously, but if you want to create content you have to identify yourself.

In my solution, everybody would get an IIN (Internet Identification Number) and this would be linked to whatever governmental agency it is that keeps information from people in any given country. This number would not be available for everybody but then again, the authorities would have an easy way to track people if any virtual crime happened in the Internet.

The IIN would be necessary in any event where the netizen wants to contribute something to the Internet. Any website like MySpace, Facebook, Blogger and Orkut would require one. Anytime you wanted to post a comment on a blog you would need one. Anytime you wanted to create an user on a message board you would need one. Anytime you wanted to create an email address you would need one.

I believe that with this IIN in mind, assholes around the world would have to think twice before contributing something harmful or stupid. Although a lot less fun, the Internet be a lot safer place for everybody.

Christmas lights and other nuisances

Yesterday I finally caught a break from the rain (it's not a myth, it rains 9 months a year in the Seattle area!) and managed to install the Christmas lights in our house. I'd like to thank whoever created this tradition of stapling wired lights outside your house during the winter. My frozen hands would like to thank your ass for that.

Anyway, after going through the motions and spending half an hour on top of the roof wondering if I would be increasing the statistics of males who get hurt performing this annual obligation, I declared my part was done and was prepared to connect the electricity. There would be no problems like in Christmases past because my experience made me test all segments of the icicle lights beforehand and throw away the defective ones. So I called my daughter and my wife and connected the lights.


Not one but three segments were defective and had parts on it where the bulbs didn't light up! How can this happen? Why did these lights fail when they were tested and worked perfectly just 15 minutes before? Why is a man supposed to risk his neck going up the roof twice to perform one job? And why do they send us spare bulbs if it's nearly impossible to remove the defective one without breaking the socket? And why, after you successfully replaced a defective bulb, the part that wasn't lighting on still doesn't light on?

I was so pissed off I started yelling in the middle of the afternoon. "Fuck these Chinese people and their fucked up products!". This wasn't cool for two reasons. First, I don't know if the lights were made in China (it was probably Malaysia or Vietnam, but who can tell the difference between gooks?) and second, there are lots of Chinese people in our neighborhood. But, being Asian myself, I say stuff like that without fear of physical repercussions. Plus, if things get hot, I can just go ahead and pretend I'm Chinese. People may find it hard to believe due to the obvious differences between Chinese and Korean (Koreans are way better looking), but I only have to practice my morning "Ni-hao" and that will be alright.

Anyway, at that point I was so pissed with the Chinese (hey, at least they're not Filipino, right?) that I decided we needed Japanese food. I always thought the Japanese to be the mildest of the Asians and maybe their flavorless food would help calm down my anti-Asian disposition. Those chinks delivered. The food was fantastic, although one of the courses wasn't all that Japanese.


I was feeling much better after dinner when my wife informed me it was time for our one year old tradition of building the gingerbread house. She had gotten one of those kits from Toys 'r' Us and we were ready to replicate the picture in the box!


Needless to say, the house didn't turn out like the one above. The icing provided in the kit is too hard so it's difficult to spread, making decorating the house like the picture virtually impossible. At the end of it, my daughter looked like a snowman, so much icing she had over herself and if I could absorb sugar through the skin I'd have gained 5 pounds.

Looking back, it was a fun day altogether and, jokes with my fellow Asians aside, we learned some valuable lessons. First, don't ever use icicle lights to decorate your house. Those things have a failure rate that's too high no matter where they were produced. Second, make your own icing when decorating the gingerbread house. Third, any time spent doing Christmas'y things with your family is fun.

And, to end this on an even more Christmas'y note, my daughter created a new song while we were working on the gingerbread house, sung to the rhythm and melody of "Jingle Bells": Gingerbread, gingerbread, ginger all the way! O what fun it is to build a gingerbread today, hey!

Creative, isn't she?

She got it from her daddy.

Future World I - The Situation

I've been an active netizen for several years now and I consider myself lucky to have witnessed the dawn of this amazing new world, the Internet. What for a while was just a way for people in academic fields to communicate with each other has gradually become what it is now: a virtual place where anybody has immediate access to billions of people and more information than a human being can consume in his or her lifespan.

In theory, it's beautiful. I never felt so connected before (even when I was working with Donnie Brasco back in New York). As an intelligent and well educated man (this blog will never be accused of false pretenses of modesty), I'm naturally curious about everything and different subjects catch my attention each day. Then, having access to the Internet is a bless because with a few clicks of the mouse and some help from search engines like Yahoo or Google, I can find all the information I want in close to no time. I don't even remember how my life was before the Internet. And I don't wanna remember.

But, at the same time it connects people and provides access to all sorts of information, the Internet can also be disturbing and harmful to those who are not prepared for it. Among several others, three cases come to my mind, the suicides of Megan Meier, Ryan Patrick Halligan and Abraham K. Biggs.

Megan and Ryan were 13 year old kids who committed suicide due to cyber-bullying (by the way, the girl was tormented by an adult: a fictional boy created by one of her friend's mother!) and Abraham was a 19 year old student whose broadcasted suicide was followed by several idiots who cheered him on while he was dying (those who want more details should follow the links).

In the two first suicides, the Internet was used as means to bully and arguably ended up causing the deaths of those two kids. In the case of Biggs, the Internet allowed people to watch his death and the audience, instead of trying to prevent it, reportedly dared him to do it. The common factor here is the Internet. I can imagine the pain and desperation of the parents and if they ever claim the Internet caused the death of their beloved children I will understand completely.

One of the main characteristics of the Internet is the anonymity it allows its users most of the time. And sometimes it translates into unaccountability. Of course, if you don't have to identify yourself it's easy to be whoever you want, it's easy to hold whatever opinion you want and it's even easier to say whatever the fuck you want to whoever you want without the fear of any appropriate retribution. That's why we see a lot more fights in message boards or instant messaging servers than we'd see in normal life. That's why we see more insulting and, in general, a more daring attitude. And, it also helps assholes to externalize feelings that they'd be penalized for if done in other situations.

For instance, I have a friend who's a tech blogger (check his channel on YouTube!) and he is black (checked with him and he doesn't like that "African-American" bullshit). One of these days he received this comment to one of his videos on YouTube (for those who don't want to click the link, they called him the N word and made some comments about his ethnicity). I doubt that the cocksucking cuntmuscle who wrote that would have had the guts to say it to my buddy face to face (he runs 5 miles a day and lifts weights, I wouldn't wanna fight him). This asshole is probably a normal citizen who happened to enjoy the anonymity of the Internet to express something that would be severely reciprocated in real life.

This anonymity also makes people feel safe and secure and this sense of security makes netizens more open and they usually reveal more about themselves. This may lead to good things. Shy people can find a door to express themselves and there's a surprisingly high number of cases of people who fall in love through the Internet. Sometimes though, this situation makes people more vulnerable and sensitive to insults or inappropriate information.

So, on one side of anonymity we have this daring attitude, this disregard for accountability and the willingness to insult anybody and anything. On the other side, we have people who feel protected and thus are more susceptible to harmful environment. It's an ideal scenario for potential disaster, like those suicides mentioned above.

But, how can we make the Internet a safer place for everybody?

To be continued with the following entries (I want to commit to this series while I'm inspired):

Future World II - The Solution
Where I discuss a possible solution

Future World III - Big Brother
Where another point of view of my solution is thrown in the mix

Future World IV - My Pet Peeves
Where I rant about some annoying people in the Internet

Love of a thousand years

Don't mind the dreadful clothes and laughable hairdo, this guy sings like a mother fucker.

Cell phone blogs and other resources

My last few posts have been all about cell phones and I confess I love talking about the subject. It's amazing how technology improved in the last couple of years or so and now modern cell phones can easily replace several other gadgets. It's what we, people in the know, call convergence.

There's a line dividing cell phones into two main groups and they're usually called feature phones and smartphones. Most feature phones nowadays are pretty smart as well, but the main difference is that there is an operational system in smartphones and people can write native programs (applications) for these phones. Usually, one can use two or more applications at the same time (unless it is the iPhone), and this is called multitasking.

The line dividing feature phones and smartphones is getting thinner every day and most feature phones nowadays can handle some Java applications. But in addition to a better software, smartphones also tend to have better hardware features like faster processors, higher quality cameras and more internal memory.

I've been using smartphones for about 5 years and I'm still loving every minute. I like having a converged device in my pocket. Not to show off to other people, but because I love the possibility of all that power only inches away from my hands at anytime of the day or night. Anywhere I am, I can be productive, I can listen to music, I can watch videos, I can take pictures or even make a simple phone call. All of this in one and only device, my cell phone.

There are several places in the internet one can go for information on cell phones and I'd like to list my favorites. These websites and blogs offer valuable information if you're looking for unbiased opinions, honest reviews and some fun in the process.

1. AllAboutSymbian and The Smartphones Show

The first one is a blog and they talk exclusively about Symbian phones. Phones using this OS account for about 40% of the world smartphone market. That ends up being the totality of the higher spec'd Nokia phones, some Sony Ericsson, Samsung and a few LG.

The second link is a video podcast produced by one of the guys who run AllAboutSymbian, Steve Litchfield. It's obvious that Steve is a cell phone maniac and he loves the subject a thousand times more than I do (and that's a lot!). In this podcast he has more freedom to talk about all smartphones. Symbian, Windows Mobile, Palm, iPhone, Blackberry, everything is game for Steve Litchfield.

In fast paced, 10 minute videos (produced at a rate of four or five every two months or so), Steve reviews the latest smartphones with his extreme knowledge of the subject. Sometimes he even gets prototypes of models still not available to the general public. But what's really amazing about this guy is that it's clear that he's doing this to help other people. While some bloggers seek self promotion and profit, Steve Litchfield does it to inform and help those ones in need.

Don't get me wrong, bloggers need to be compensated for the work they do. But when you do it with the honest desire in your heart to help other people, it really shows in the quality of whatever you produce.

2. The Cell Phone Junkie

This is a podcast that talks about more generic subjects regarding cell phone technology. In about one hour episodes (uploaded every week religiously on iTunes), Mickey and Joey talk about everything: devices, providers, data&voice plans. I really don't know how they find material and patience to produce a one hour episode every week. And not happy with this weekly podcast, they decided to produce a bi-weekly show called "The Cell Phone Junkie Unlocked" where they talk about - guess what? - more cell phone related stuff.

Mickey and Joey have good chemistry and most of the times it feels like two friends talking about a subject they love. In fact, I believe they know each other for a long time, even previous to doing this podcast together. This translates into a dynamic and interesting show to listen to, ideal for when you're doing your daily 5 mile jog in the gym.

3. Howard Forums

This is not a blog, nor a podcast. It's a forum. You can read as much as you need but you have to subscribe to be able to post (just give them your name and e-mail address, no money, no biggie). There are several subforums to attend every specific need. It's worth being a member. When dealing with smartphones, a problem is sure to happen and more than likely that particular problem has happened before with other people.

I've never had any question or problem with any of my phones that couldn't be solved by a visit to this site.

4. Xda Developers

Now, if your phone is a Windows Mobile device made by HTC, this is the site you wanna visit. You don't know what the fuck is HTC? Well, they are the makers of the T-Mobile G1 (although you won't find any information about it on that site, since it's powered by Android and not Windows Mobile), AT&T Tilt, AT&T Fuze, the Sony-Ericsson Xperia 1, T-Mobile Dash and several others.

The guys in that forum know what they're talking about and you can get lots of interesting tips on how to fully use your Windows Mobile phone.

Well, that's it. Those are the sites I'd recommend for those who, like me, love cell phones and all they have to offer to make our lives easier.

The Mofo - N97, the mother of all phones

I've been writing about my phones quite a lot, so I believe anybody who's been following (did I write "following"? I meant "reading occasionally") this blog has a pretty good idea that I'm in fact a cell phone junkie. I'd even use that title if there wasn't already a podcast with the same name.

My main phone is the N95 8Gb (on top on the picture above) and I've been testing the E90 (on the bottom) for a while now. They're amazing devices despite being both a little long in the tooth (2 years is a lot in the cell phone industry) and for my personal use they kinda complete each other. I love the 5MP camera on the N95 but I also love the big internal screen on the E90. I love being able to play video games on the N95 but I also love the ample qwerty keyboard on the E90. During this past week playing with the E90, there were more than a couple of moments when I thought that a combination of these two phones would be my ideal device.

Then, on December 3rd 2008, Nokia announced the N97. The gadget whore in me was drooling all over the keyboard of the computer while I watched the live feed from Barcelona. This baby has the potential to be all that I dreamed about and more. I know now that by June next year I'll be carrying a new phone and it's gonna be the N97.

I'm returning the E90 and I'll keep the N95 until the N97 is available. When that happens, the N95 will probably be inducted in the Hall of Fame for serving me so faithfully for over 2 years. I have too strong of an attachment to that phone to simply sell it on eBay. Furthermore, by then, its price would probably be below $300 and I simply refuse to accept that amount for such a nice piece of equipment.

The Brick - Size matters

I don't mind that the Nokia E90 Communicator is bigger than I had imagined. Actually, I kinda like big and heavy cell phones because they give me the assurance that quality materials were used to build it. Furthermore, it's the norm that bigger phones will have better battery life and more features than those miniature razor thin phones. I'm not calling it The Brick for nothing.


But one problem with The Brick is that the internal keyboard is a little too big. To help with the visualization, let's say that two full qwerty keyboards from RIM (Blackberry) or Palm (Treos) would fit in that space side by side. This size requires a lot of travel for your thumbs if you're thumb typing and your hands have to move a lot to permit this travel, making it uncomfortable to type long emails on it. On the other hand, the keyboard is not big enough to allow typing with your fingers, like you would do on a laptop.

And, to make things more complicated, the internal keys are extremely hard so they require some strength to completely push them down; and they don't have much travel making it hard to determine whether you pushed them or not. This made me use key tones (those annoying beeps every time you press a key) on a cell phone for the first time in my life.

I will eventually get used to this keyboard but this is one bad out of the box impression of The Brick.

The Brick - Introduction

I introduce you my new phone, the Nokia E90 Communicator. I still have The Beast, but the E90 will be my main phone, at least for the next couple of weeks. I needed a qwerty device for my work related needs and I will be trying this brick of a phone for a while. Let's see how it performs.

Freedom

A long time ago in a country far far away (Brazil) I was in a bus on a rainy summer afternoon. It wasn't rush hour so it wasn't completely packed, but it was slowly getting there. I managed to find a seat, settled down and opened a book, pretending to be busy while waiting for my stop to come.

It was hot and humid inside that bus and I was starting to get a little uncomfortable. That's when it happened. There was this girl seated about 10 feet away, but in a seat that faced me. As I said previously, the bus wasn't completely packed yet so we had a clear vision of each other. Our eyes met and it was one of the worst sensations in my life. She was the ugliest girl I'd ever seen in my life and I couldn't stop looking at her!

After a few minutes, I was sick and felt like throwing up. Seriously, it was the worst case of motion sickness I would ever experience in life (well, up to this point, at least). In an herculean effort, I managed to get off the bus (three stops before mine!) before throwing up on the sidewalk.

I'm not sure what exactly caused that, but I have a pretty strong suspicion that that girl's ugliness had a lot to do with it. In the same way somebody smoking a cigar by my side would bother me a lot, that girl bothered me so much that I had to get off that fucking bus three stops before mine and puked on the sidewalk.

Which takes me to the following question: why is it that, in the US of A, authorities make laws against smokers but don't make any against ugly people? And what about fat people? And smelly people? Have you ever, like I have, been so bothered by an ugly person to the point of throwing up? Have you ever, like I have, been on a plane and the person next to you was so fat that you were uncomfortable for the whole nine fucking hours? Have you ever, like I have, been in a movie theater and the person next to you smelled so bad that you had to watch the next session because the room was packed?

Don't get me wrong here. First, I'm not a smoker and second, I'm not suggesting there should be a law against ugly, fat or smelly people in public spaces. What I'm saying is that this persecution of smokers is ridiculous and unfair. I even understand the smoking ban in restaurants, but in bars? Bars, for God's sake? What's next, are they gonna outlaw nudity in strip clubs?

That's it, if banning smoking in bars is reasonable, banning nudity in strip clubs is also reasonable. They said they banned smoking in bars to protect the health of bartenders, waiters and waitresses. What about the rights of a strip club's staff member who's offended by nudity? Who protects those people?

Contrasts

On October 19th, Nokia opened its latest flagship store and the lucky city was São Paulo, Brazil, place where I grew up. The store is located at 849 Oscar Freire Street and this neighborhood is known for high end brands and expensive stores. I have to agree, they chose the right place for a Nokia store.

Just for fun, and maybe saudade (Portuguese word to which there's no precise translation in English), I browsed the Brazilian Nokia website to check some prices for high end phones. The three most popular models (N96, N95 8Gb and E71) are priced at U$977, U$816 and U$612 respectively. The same products are priced U$776, U$577 and U$442 in the American website (though you can get all of them for much cheaper at some virtual stores like Amazon, for instance).

This roughly U$200 difference is probably result of the higher taxation to which imported goods are subjected in Brazil, so it doesn't surprise me that much. What amazes me is the contrast between those prices and the average salary in that country, which is in the vicinity of U$700/month. We must remember that this number, although small in itself, is misleading because of the severe and historical unbalance in the wealth distribution. Considering that the 10% wealthiest Brazilians retain 65% of the wealth, it's easy to conclude that the majority of the population is far away from making the average salary and is making something closer to the minimum salary of U$184/month. Are these people likely to buy one of those phones?

Nokia's bread and butter is in the sale of low end phones in emerging countries like India, China and Brazil itself and these high end phones were clearly not made for the masses. So I think they will get their expected number of sales of high end phones in Brazil because there are plenty of people with money in a population of over 300 million. But I can imagine a poor guy walking by Oscar Freire, glancing at the store and noticing that one of those phones would cost him the income of three months combined - IF he didn't spend money in anything superfluous like food, rent and transportation.

It must be a sad situation, like a slap in your face.

Remarks: all figures were obtained using the exchange rate of November 21st, 2008.

Gay marriage

I was strolling around Seattle this afternoon when I came across several hundreds of people (if not a few thousands) protest marching for the gay marriage cause, obviously fueled by the recent California ban.

I'm not gay, I don't have gay friends and if anybody in my family is gay I'm not aware of it. The only gay people I know are a few acquaintances here and there and I never had the chance to have any serious conversation with any of them. In fact, I am a very conservative Korean guy, to whom the thought of a man sleeping with another man causes a little discomfort, to say the least. And having made my politically incorrect confession, I believe that it's in this discomfort that lies the foundation of gay discrimination.

Straight people always seem to concentrate on the sexual implications of someone being gay. They don't see the human being, they see the sexual being. Meanwhile, I try to give them the same treatment I'd give a straight person.

When I meet a person who I know is straight, I don't think about their sexual life (well, if it's an attractive girl, one or another thought may slip there). I don't even feel the need to tag that person with the label "straight". So why would I do that with someone who's gay? Gay people are not constantly fucking, they live their lives like everybody else. They go to school, they work, they eat, they sleep, and it just happens that they have a partner of the same gender.

Ultimately, I'm convinced that gay people are born gay. It's not a choice, it's just what they are. In the same way I was born in Korea, they were born gay. Thinking about it, who would ever choose to be gay? It's so hard to be gay, there's so much discrimination, why would somebody want to be gay?

Needless to say, I'm in favor of the legalization of gay marriage. My strongest argument would be that gay people have the same obligations of straight people, why should they have different rights? Whenever I hear arguments against gay marriage, my position gets stronger and stronger because none of them makes sense. They're all based in stereotypes and misconceptions that would be extremely offensive if the target was a racial group, instead of gays.

So, let's hope that lawmakers in this country get this thing right and legalize gay marriage.

"Happy End" (1999)

In 1999, Korean people were still under severe stress due to the broken national economic structure. Several companies had gone bankrupt and unemployment rate increased from 2% to 8%. Korea had been long enjoying the results of an economical boom and this crisis had a deep impact on the self esteem of the nation.

Amid the storm, there comes "Happy End". This movie tells the story of Bo-Ra. She's a successful career woman and mother of a baby girl whose marriage to the older Ki-Min is less than satisfactory on all levels. Her husband is an unemployed former banker who's finding more than difficult to find another job. He spends his days on domestic chores (taking care of the baby, buying groceries, cleaning the house) and in used book stores. Meanwhile, Bo-Ra is cheating on him with Il-Beom, her co-worker and former lover.

(From this point on, there will be spoilers.)

At some point, Ki-Min finds out about his wife's affair and for a while it seems like he's willing to accept that life. He never confronts her directly, which leaves the audience very unsatisfied. The only confrontational moment is when a somehow regretful Bo-Ra prepares dinner, during which Ki-Min utters "I only wish you will be a good mother to our baby", or something to that effect. But that same night, Bo-Ra gives their daughter some sleeping pills and goes out to meet her lover, which sends the baby to the emergency room. Then, Ki-Min has had enough. He stabs Bo-Ra to death in a extremely graphic scene, framing Il-Beom in the process.

To its credit, "Happy End" tries to portray all sides of this triangle in a fair way. It's easy to understand the motives of everyone involved. And although it shows that women can have the same disrespectful and abusive behavior when in the position of power in a relationship, it also "redeemed" Ki-Min's masculinity with its violent conclusion.

The greatest quality of the ending, in my opinion, is that it doesn't provide satisfaction to anybody in the audience. Ki-Min doesn't deserve what's happening to him and I believe Korean men were shocked to see the extremely graphic nature of the sex scenes between Bo-Ra and Il-Beom (I know I was). No man wants to imagine his woman fucking another man.

But she also didn't deserve to die for it.

As of today, I'm officially an American citizen

"I hereby declare, on oath, that I absolutely and entirely renounce and abjure all allegiance and fidelity to any foreign prince, potentate, state, or sovereignty of whom or which I have heretofore been a subject or citizen; that I will support and defend the Constitution and laws of the United States of America against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; that I will bear arms on behalf of the United States when required by the law; that I will perform noncombatant service in the Armed Forces of the United States when required by the law; that I will perform work of national importance under civilian direction when required by the law; and that I take this obligation freely without any mental reservation or purpose of evasion; so help me God."

Obama elected!

Obama as our next president doesn't make me particularly happy or sad. The fact that the USA was ready to elect a black president makes me happy.

Now let's see if he lives up to the hype.

My swiss knife phone

Five years ago, I was introduced to the world of smartphones. A co-worker showed me his newly acquired Motorola MPx200 and its strange bulky looks attracted me. I also had never seen the Windows menu in such a small screen. Then he proceeded to play "The Usual Suspects" on his phone and I was hooked. It was the beginning of a long journey and since then, all my phones have been smartphones and the more expensive they get, the more I like it.

These animals may cost you a kidney but if you need your cellphone to do more than the basic, they are the way to go. There are several choices for several different needs. The best thing to do when looking for one is to determine exactly what will be the main purpose of the phone and start from there. I, for instance, am a sucker for convergence (all in one). That's why my phone is the Nokia N95 8Gb (in this entry, specifications will only be mentioned when relevant, so people in need of more information should check here).
When it was introduced, two years ago, the N95 family was clearly a cut above the rest, and it helped that Nokia didn't wait much after the announcement to make it available. Everything on the N95 looked fresh and it was probably the first phone to have several features like a 5MP camera, GPS receiver or VGA video recording. And even today, there's no phone available or on the horizon that significantly improves its features.

(For more information on the "members" of the N95 family, check here.)

It has of course its bad points and limitations, specially in its first version. The first N95 had a small RAM and low memory issues were very common when more than one application was open (the phone would close applications or simply reboot). The battery life was also poor, in some cases lasting less than a day with heavy usage. Also, some people may point out the lack of a qwerty keyboard or touch screen, but this is not exactly a problem of the N95, since it was conceived to be used without those features.

All limitations were addressed in recent versions and even the original N95 improved considerably with some firmware updates. The only thing I see as a nuisance for the whole family is the build quality, which can be poor if you are unlucky, specially the wobbly slider. But this also has a do-it-yourself fix so for now my phone is perfect.

Now let me tell you what I do with this phone.

I almost never carry my digital camera and my video recorder is collecting dust at home. With the N95's 5MP camera, the pictures are always nice (given good lighting is available) and since I have the phone with me at all times, I never miss the opportunity for a nice picture, ideal situation for a proud parent of a 4 year old daughter. The VGA recording produces quality video clips and with the TV-Out cable I can show them to anybody on a big screen. And if I want to, I can upload my pictures and videos to the internet without connecting to a computer.

My sense of direction is notably poor. I couldn't find the ground if I jumped from the 1st floor of a building. Two days after we moved to a new house, I had problems finding it on my way back from work. But the N95 has a GPS receiver and with turn-by-turn directions I don't have to worry about my stupidity anymore. On our last vacation, the N95 helped us a lot. Try to find a Korean restaurant in an unknown city, in the middle of the night. Well, I did.

The internet is only a touch away. The N95 has a good browser and it renders most pages like a computer would and with 3G speed from AT&T, I have all the power to surf whenever I want. I use it all the time to check weather, sports results (I know the Seahawks are going to lose, but I still want to know the score) and anything else that comes to my mind.

The N95's gorgeous 2.8" screen is bright and big enough to watch a whole movie on it. At the moment I have a Brazilian film ("Tropa de Elite"), "Training Day" and (guilty pleasure) "National Treasure". I also have some MP3s and a few episodes of "Entourage" and "The Office" on it. It amounts for hours of entertainment and I still have about half left of its 8Gb internal memory. It means that at any time I'm bored or have nothing to do (waiting for a plane, waiting for a table at a restaurant or whatever else that makes me wait) I can snap my phone out of my pocket and start having fun.

Whenever I'm tired of watching the same movies or TV shows, I can play one of the several video games I have available. Remember "The secret of monkey island"? I know I may be dating myself here for this is a very old game, but it sure is a pleasure to be able to play it on my phone. I can also play Texas Hold'em Poker, Civilization, Frozen Bubble (my favorite) and loads of other stuff.

And if I need more applications, Symbian S60 (the operational system that powers the N95) has lots and lots of native software that can be found in several different sources like here, or here. With Quickoffice, for instance, I could write a novel on my phone if I wanted to (or had the talent) or I could create spreadsheets to control my finances (actually I do that). There's virtually no limits to what third party applications can do and the hardware is powerful enough to support it.

I'm not even counting the usual stuff that most phones do, like making phone calls, SMS, MMS, e-mail and PIM applications. My phone excels in every single one of those features. And, despite having full Bluetooth capability, I don't even need a headset (by the way, people who wear one all day are ridiculous) because it has the most powerful stereo speakers available in the market.

I still have a computer, a laptop, a digital camera, a video recorder and an iPod Touch and I agree that each one of them performs its specific task better than my phone. But what other single device can do so many things so well? My N95 8Gb is a true swiss knife phone.

Halloween

On Halloween night I joined some friends and we took our kids trick-or-treating. In our group, we had four princesses (Snow White, Belle, Aurora and a generic one) and two firemen and, by the end of the night, I had seen ghosts, pirates, Hogwarts students and lots of other creatures, and all of them went home with their bags full of candy.

Watching the kids get their portion of candy at each door, I couldn't help but admire the way in which people decorate their houses for this night. There were some nice ones, like a spider web made of Christmas lights or a guy who transformed his garage into a haunted house, but in only two instances I felt compelled to put my beer aside (in a plastic cup, of course) and snap a picture.

It's a pumpkin and I only took the picture above because I know how hard it is to carve something like this. Wonderful job.

Now if the picture above isn't disturbing, I don't know what is. I know it's Halloween but there should be some limits.

Ichiro being chippy

Ichiro has already made some semi insulting remarks about Korea. Now he proves he's really got a chip on his shoulder when it comes to the country where I was born. When he mentions "revenge for Beijing" he's clearly talking about Korea, team that beat Japan twice in that event (2008 Beijing Olympic Games) and went on to with the gold medal against Cuba in a close game.

Ichiro, stop worrying about Korea and concentrate on improving these freaking Mariners!

TB Rays in the World Series!!

I'm so very happy that the Rays are in the World Series. They have a payroll just a tad bigger than A-Rod's annual salary, they were one of the worst teams in MLB last season and now they're close to winning it all. It's a very feel good story.

In Brazil they used to say something like "cumming with someone else's dick" for a situation like this. But I, a Mariners fan, almost lost my voice rooting for the Rays.

Dating Korean men

It seems to me that women dating Korean men attribute most of their relationship problems to the ethnicity of their partners. It's as if we Korean guys have so much baggage related to our motherland that it's impossible to overcome the obstacles imposed by our Korean blood. Well, I have news for you, ladies. It's not that simple.

The Korean wrote a very nice piece about it and it's worth reading to any girl out there trying to keep her Korean boyfriend or husband. You will notice he emphasizes the point that Korean men are not that much different from any other type of men and that we are men before we are Koreans. I second that, just adding that we Korean men are way hotter and better in bed than anybody else. "Me love you long time" is something that should be said by Korean men and not Asian hookers, at least that's what the girls who had the joy of sleeping with one of us keep telling me. "Once you have kimchi", they add, "you will always want more kimchi". "That's kinda lame...", I complain and then they just mention something about not being polite to talk with their mouths full and keep doing what they were doing.

Out of my characteristic generosity though, I have some additional words for those girls out there who are in relationships with Korean men.

We, like any other men, are selfish pricks who think mostly about sex. Whenever we meet your girl pals we will be mentally evaluating their bodies and giving them grades between fuckable and unfuckable. We will also be fantasizing about a threesome, involving us and two of your hottest friends, maybe with you filming it and giving them tips on how to please us best.

We're insecure, so any male friend of yours will be seen as a potential competitor. And please, please, if you've slept with more than two guys before you met us, please lie about it and say it was only one. And don't forget to mention how much better we are in bed.

We're liars too so don't go looking for a ruler when we mention something about six inches. The distance between the tip of the thumb and the tip of the index finger should perfectly illustrate what six inches are.


We like sports, so please try to keep the noise to a minimum while we're watching TV. If you have to use the vacuum cleaner in the room where the TV set is, please do it after we're done with it and taking a nap after all those beers you silently brought us from the kitchen.

Now, with all joking aside, some serious advice:

Be aware that Korean guys are way more serious about being Korean than our sisters. I believe Korean women have more courage and therefore they may date and fall in love with non-Korean men more easily. But for us it's a lot more difficult to be thrown in such a cultural mix. If you feel (even slightly) that he's a little reluctant in being seen with you in public places (specially those in which other Koreans are likely to be present) do confront him right away. He may not be ready for a serious relationship.

If he's introduced you to his Korean friends and family, that's a better sign. But don't stand still. Try to get to know more of his friends and family. The better your relationship with those people is, the better your relationship with your partner will be.

And for last, his mother. Don't be afraid of his mother. Remember she's like a pitbull terrier, her reputation and barks are way worse than the reality. Come on, who would be scared of the woman below?


Remember it's likely she went through a lot of hard work to raise your man and therefore she rightly demands some well earned respect. She won't be easy to deal with at all. Korean women (specially your man's mother) have this incredible ability to say stuff that can be very hurtful if you take it the wrong way. But if you wanna do the crime (take this man away from her) you will have to do the time. Some people may advise you to learn some Korean (in the case she doesn't speak your language) or that you should show nothing but respect for her. I call shenanigans on that.

First, the language thing. If you live in Korea then yes, maybe it would be wise to learn some Korean, even if you're not dating a local man. But how in the hell should you learn such a difficult language if you don't live in that country? It's very easy to learn how to read hangul, you can do that in one day. But what good is reading if you don't know what that sound means? So, fuck that. Forget about learning Korean and concentrate on other things.

Second, the respect. You should respect your man's mother (and everybody else in his family) but please don't fall in the trap of becoming her little pet. If you agree with everything she wants or demands she will have no respect whatsoever for you. Show your respect for sure (respect for older people is an extremely important part of Korean culture) but establish some limits. If you say yes to everything then you're doomed. Don't be a kiss ass.

Instead, try to develop your own relationship with her. Treat her with respect but as an equal. Listen respectfully to her advices, consider them seriously. But if you disagree with some points you should definitely make it clear what your opinions are.

I know she will want to be a meaningful part in your life as a couple so allow her to do that. Invite her over for dinner, ask her to go shopping with you, cook for her and with her. Talk to her about her son, ask questions about her experiences. No, it's not easy, but in the end she's a woman just like you. She will understand.

The worst thing to do regarding your potential Korean mother in law is to internalize your feelings. If you keep everything inside you will go crazy. Complaining to your Korean man won't help much because Korean men are very sensitive when it comes to their mothers. It's got nothing to do with his love for you. He will probably try to explain his mother's point of view and we all know that will be disastrous.

So if you have something to say, say it to her. Very respectfully, of course, but do it. With time, things will get easier. Specially if you follow my advice and become her friend.

Thank you

I'd like to express my sincere thanks to all those who've been reading this blog and sending me messages. Whoever and wherever you are, I hope my posts will at least entertain you.

From consumer to supplier

When my wife got pregnant I was hoping for a boy. Images of me and a little kid playing catch in the backyard or eating hot-dogs at a Mariners game started to fill my mind. When he grows older, I thought, maybe we could share a beer from time to time and he would ask me questions about life and stuff. Later in life, well, maybe it would be his time to take me to Mariners games.

But it turned out to be a girl. I didn't show any disappointment to my wife, but I confess the feeling was there. After wishing for a boy for a few months, the fact that it was a girl took me by surprise and I needed sometime to get used to the idea. I had to come to peace with the notion that instead of shopping for bats and gloves I would be looking for Barbies and kitchen sets for Christmas.

When my daughter was born, though, none of that mattered. Call it paternal instinct or whatever but at the very first moment I laid my eyes on that little baby girl I knew my life had taken a complete new meaning. Somebody told me once that we only know what real love is when we have kids and I'm inclined to think that's true. My daughter changed me completely.

And after a while the realization was clear. I was way happier with a daughter than I'd ever be with a son. The way girls look at you, or the way they jump at you when you come home from work, all the kissing and cuddling, it's amazing stuff. I realized that a great part in wishing for a son had to do with traditional lines of thinking instead of my personal views or preferences. You see it all the time in several cultures (Korean included), whenever a woman gets pregnant everybody hopes it's a boy.

Remember Luca Brasi? Before sleeping with the fishes he expresses deep wishes that Don Vito's daughter's first child be a masculine child. Or something like that. And when Michael Corleone gets news of his wife's miscarriage the first thing he asks is if it was a boy. So even in this thing our ours (well, theirs), the desire for a son is a deep rooted tradition.

I've done some writing about this before but I've had my share of punani in the past. I even think I may have got some from other people's shares. Some of my friends, in one instance or another, witnessed all that and the end result is that my reputation got bloated beyond proportion and is, at least when it comes to dealing with the women folk, not very flattering. And when they found out we were having a girl it wasn't surprising to hear jokes about it. The following were actual words said or written by some of my best friends and I will discuss them individually.

(1) So you're going from consumer to supplier?
Believe it or not, this was the most popular one and was used by both men and women. I don't have anything to say about it except that most of my friends are from Brazil and there is a clear and present element of misogyny in that country, evidenced by the exposition of several female body parts (nor disassembled nor bloody, of course) in the media. By the way, I would imagine that objectifying women is a cultural trace shared by other Latin countries like Mexico, Italy or Spain.

(2) Now God will make you pay for all your wrong doings.
This one was used by friends with a sense of karma. The same ones who would say stuff like "You pay in life for what you do in life" (I don't know if my free translation adequately relates the meaning of the Brazilian saying). Brazilians have a close relationship with God and He is invoked frequently in several different situations. Professional athletes often credit God after a good performance and He is also the one who brings punishment to Brazilian kids who don't behave. These friends were sorta insinuating God would transfer punishment to my daughter for my supposedly wrong doings with girls.

(3) Aren't you afraid she may meet a guy just like you?
This was the one that made me think the most. It made me think about what I want for my daughter but also made me evaluate my past a little bit. My conclusion about my daughter is that I don't worry a bit about who she meets in the future. I know she will be capable of taking care of herself. She is such a smart girl and she will be able to judge by herself what's right or wrong. And of course, some bumps along the way will only help make her stronger. I'm as loving as any parent out there but I don't see myself as someone who will always tell her what to do. I have complete confidence in my daughter because I have complete confidence in my capacity of raising her well.

Gee, it sounds I'm a little overconfident, huh?

The evaluation of my past will have to wait for another post. I'll probably write about it (or not, I'm not sure if it's interesting enough) but I'd like to finish this one with a thought. We all know there's a double standard when it comes to promiscuous boys and girls. If a guy sleeps with a lot of women he is cool and all that, but if a girl does the same thing she is a slut. On the other hand, there's also the idea that when a guy sleeps with a girl he is taking advantage of her. There's a tendency to victimize the girl and vilify the guy.

In some cultures (Brazilian and Korean, for instance), when you say "I ate her" it means "I fucked her". The idea of aggressor and victim is obviously present. Why is that? Why is the sex act an act of aggression? And why is that women are the victims most of the times?

Love part II: Brief MK story

In this post, I had written about MK, the first girl I fell in love with. Well, this is the story of how destiny gave me at least a small reward for all those years of unreciprocated love.

When I say unreciprocated it kinda sounds like she rejected me, but it was even more pathetic than that. I never told her how I felt and she probably never suspected anything. We were friends and that was all. Actually I don't even know if she considered me a friend. I was about one year younger than her and since girls mature at a faster pace than boys she probably saw me as a little brother. That's a Korean thing.

It was my first year in college and I hadn't seen or talked to MK for a long time. I was actually already interested in the girl I would fall for and date for a while (KK) but we hadn't hooked up yet. Well, I ran into MK in a club where Korean-Brazilian students were gathered for their "first-years introduction yearly party", or whatever it was the excuse older male students had to make to get to know the newest crop of young girls. MK was a sophomore in another school and she looked prettier than I ever remembered.

My feelings for her didn't come back like in romantic comedies. As I said before I already had KK in my mind. But I was still a man. And everybody knows men are like every male in any species in nature. We want to spread the joy to as many females as we can. More than that though, I think I wanted to prove to myself I could have her if I wanted to.

I asked her to dance a slow one and she said yes. I don't remember what we talked about during that dance, but I remember I had an erection (no, I'm not a pervert, but come on, 18 year old boys will get a boner if they hug a light pole). She was nice enough not to say anything (Is that an anaconda in your pants or are you just happy to see me?) about my overexcited buddy and by the end of the song we were making out.

It feels like this story is building up to a night of passionate love or at least a quickie in the club restroom but none of that happened. We retreated to a quiet corner of the club and kissed some more and that was it. The kissing was great, she had these thick lips and it was great to finally kiss her, after all those years wanting to do it.

I don't know if I was too innocent or if I was too into KK, but I never pursued anything more with MK after that night. A few months later I was happily dating KK and loving every moment of it (although she was - and still is, according to what they tell me - a bitch).

But that night with MK was special because it transformed me. I made my bones that night. From then on I knew I could close a girl if I wanted to. And that knowledge would change my life completely.

Short comments:

(1) KK was also in the club that night. I'm starting to look real bad here.

(2) I realize this post is very misogynistic. I'm talking about girls as if they were objects. Well, I hate to break it to any girl out there but that's how guys feel and talk when you're not around.

(3) Why am I using initials instead of their real names? It's not likely they will ever read this.

(4) Since then I changed a lot. I am now a happily married man and proud father of a 4 year old girl.

Being a sports fan in the Northwest

When Americans find out I've spent most of my life in Brazil, the first thing they ask about is soccer (the second being if I speak Spanish, which I do, you ignorant asshole, but it's not the language they speak in that country). Well, let me tell you something about soccer in Brazil.

Before anything else let's make one thing clear, it's not "soccer", dummy, it's called football because it's a sport played with the feet for about 99% of the time (unlike American football). And it's not only a sport. It's a religion. It's passion. Like one famous journalist once said, "Football is the most important thing amongst non-important things."

Everybody in Brazil has a team for which he or she will almost die for. There are several reasons why one may choose one team over another (parents and immediate family have a big influence on this) but that choice is made early in life and once made, it almost never changes.

Unlike the USA, large cities in Brazil have more than one professional football team in the major league (I will call it that because I don't want to get into the subject any deeper than it already is, discussing the division system and national and local championships). And cities like Sao Paulo (where I used to live) and Rio de Janeiro (the most beautiful place in the world if not for the dirty motherfucking slums growing like a cancer in the beautiful nature) have as many as four teams in the majors at the same time.

This leads to exacerbated rivalries within the same city and, of course, one's attachment to the team is made stronger by the proximity of rivals. Therefore, every football fan in Brazil is a passionate one. One whose mood depends a lot on the weekend football results. Their relationship with their loved team is like the one with their significant others. It's love, hate, happiness and sadness, all together, sometimes in the same match.

My team was Palmeiras, the greatest team in Brazilian history. I remember I cried like a baby when we won the Sao Paulo State Championship after 17 years without any titles. The icing on the cake was that the final match was against Corinthians, historically our most hated rival. I also cried when Palmeiras won the South American Championship in 1999. It was a wonderful game against some team from Colombia and everybody who wasn't a Palmeiras fan was rooting for the Colombians.


Even from far away, I regularly follow how my dear Palmeiras is doing. Of course I don't have the same intensity but I still get happy when they win a game, or when Corinthians or Sao Paulo (the favorite team for douche bags) lose a match.

When in Rome though...

In the Seattle area for about 7 years now, I got hooked on baseball and football (the American one). And, lucky me, the Mariners suck ever since I got here and the Seahawks, well, they're starting to suck now. Actually, I understand the only team to bring a title to Seattle were the Sonics, in 1979 (almost 30 years ago!), but to me that doesn't count much, since (a) I couldn't give a rat's ass about basketball and (b) the Sonics moved to Oklahoma last year.

Back in 2006, in SuperBowl XL, I remember telling my buddies that we should really enjoy the moment since it could be the last time in our lives we'd ever see a Seattle team in such situation. I wasn't that serious at that time but if I think about it, the possibility seems very real. The Cubs haven't won a World Series in 100 years, the Red Sox's drought lasted 86 years. It is very possible that I might not see the Mariners or the Seahawks win it all until I die!

In my opinion, we the fans are also to be blamed for the mediocrity that has victimized Seattle professional sports for such a long time. It's like we don't care. The Mariners can be 20 games out of the first place in July and the fans keep going to Safeco Field and singing "Take me out to the ball game" every 7th inning stretch, with a smile in their faces. I'm tempted to give the Seahawks a pass since they've at least been to the Super Bowl, but the Mariners just lost 100 games with a 100 million payroll! And people keep smiling! Whenever the Moose shows up in the stands at the ball park, children go and hug him and the proud parents take pictures, while drinking their $7 a bottle crappy beer. What's the reason for so much happiness??

That would never happen in Brazil, that would never happen with Palmeiras fans. Yes, we spent 17 years without a title, but those years were like hell for every player, coach or anybody who had anything to do with managing the team. We the fans let them know every game that we wouldn't accept such foolishness. We would protest in the stands, we would protest in the training centers, we would make sure they knew we were unhappy. And, I believe the percentage of Palmeiras fans decreased a lot during those years. Less fans, less revenue, it was something that everybody understood.

Sometimes, specially after a loss, the fans got so pissed off that physical altercation was iminent and the players and staff had to be protected by bodyguards to make it safely out of the ball park. Had Palmeiras had a mascot like the Moose during those years, probably that would be a very hard position to fill because people would be scared to death of being beaten up.

I'm not advocating violence here. I'm just asking Seattle sports fans to care a little bit more. As I see it, we're all pussies and this pussification is affecting our teams, mainly the Mariners. We should demand more because we deserve more. No more smiling when the team loses, not more Moose pictures, no more nicknames ending in "ie" or "y" (Jamie, Danny, Willie, Ichy, Yunny, Josie and I remember Dave Niehaus once addressing Richie Sexson as Sexie), no more singing "Take me out to the ball game" until they give us a ring!

By the way, we should get rid of Dave Niehaus and Rick Rizzs. Get us some hardcore announcers, people who will curse every time the team loses and criticize bad performance. Stop trying to see the positive side of everything (like Ichiro's 264 hits amidst another horrible season) and point out the mediocrity of our beloved Mariners.

Parenting

When I was a kid, my parents loved to say things like "When you have your own kids, you will understand" or "I hope your kids do the same things you're doing now so you will know how we feel." Of course this last one was reserved for moments when I actually screwed up bad, which happened a few more times then I care to remember.

I know Korean parents tend to be more dramatic but the funny thing is now I have a kid and now I understand. Well, she's only four and still can't go FUBAR on us. So far, everything she does is beautiful and we love every moment of it, but I still can see some traces of what I'm about to face in a few years.

For instance, when I was a kid I hated to go to bed. I'd stay up for hours after my bed time. Reading, watching TV or whatever it was that kept me awake. Sometimes my dad noticed the light under my door and crashed into my bedroom and urged me to sleep. Then I developed some other tactics to stay awake like, for instance, using a flashlight to read in bed, or squeezing a towel under my door so nobody would notice the lights were still on.

Well, my daughter hates to go to bed but since she goes to school twice a week we have to be strict in enforcing some sort of a bed time for her. It's a struggle every night and I have to ask her to "Please, go to sleep" several times before she finally does so.

One of these nights I caught her trying to fool me, coloring a book under her blankets, using a flashlight. I know it's all downhill from here...

Bye bye Beijing

This is the last one on the Olympic Games:

1) At the end of the games, South Korea has 13 gold, 10 silver and 8 bronze medals, which is good for the 7th place in the medal count (considering gold medals first). North Korea has 2, 1 and 3 and it ended in the 33th place. Together, they would have 15/11/11, what would be good enough for the 6th place.

2) Korea got a lot more medals than Japan (9/6/10). And Dokdo is our land!

3) Miracles happen! Korea won the baseball gold medal against Cuba by the score of 3x2. Seoung Yeop Lee once again came through in the clutch with a 2 run homer in the first inning. I guess that's the sign of a true elite athlete. The guy has been struggling all season and had been awful before the medal round in the Olympic Games as well. Two games, two decisive homeruns. I guess we can call that clutch.

4) Taekwondo: four South Korean athletes and four golds. I watched almost all of their matches and - well - I couldn't tell the difference between the winner and the loser. Nothing interesting like a knockout or an ippon. Basically the athletes scream a lot trying to indicate they've hit their opponent and it's up to the judges to tell who actually hit who.

5) Adios, Beijing. See you all in London 2012 (Gosh, I'll be 4 years older by then).

Even more Beijing 2008

Short ones galore!

1) As of August 22nd, South Korea has 11 gold, 10 silver and 7 bronze medals. North Korea has 2, 1 and 3. Together, Korea has 13, 11 and 10. A very decent performance so far. I confess I have no idea whether our brothers and sisters from the North can get any more medals but South Korea is still in the fight for the gold in at least 2 events (baseball and taekwondo).

2) South Korea brought four taekwondo athletes to Beijing. Three already ended their participation with the gold medal and the fourth one will compete tonight (PST). I confess I don't know much about this sport, especially when it comes to scoring. But I can't help but feeling that in case of doubt, the judges give the edge to the Koreans. They should come up with a better scoring system, one that everybody could understand. The way it is now, it gives too much margin for interpretation.

3) South Korea 6 x 2 Japan, baseball semifinals. DaeHan MinGuk, Ta-da ta-da da! Que vengan los Cubanos!

4) Despite my enthusiasm, I think the Cubans are the favorites in the gold medal match. I've watched most of the Korean Team matches (thank you nbcolympics.com) and their bats are not strong enough. A little better than in the World Baseball Classic (at least they didn't choke against Japan like in the WBC) but still not good enough to beat Cuba.

5) Lee Seung-Yeop (1B and 4th batter for the Korean Team), who has been struggling mightly throughout this season (in NPB and in the Olympics), came through in the clutch, delivering a go ahead 2 run homer in the bottom of the 8th inning.

6) It helped that the Japanese outfielders were playing for the Koreans. One grotesque error and a fly-out-turned-into-a-double generated 2 more runs, contributing for the 4 run bottom of the 8th.

7) My other motherland (Brazil) meanwhile collected another gold medal (Maureen Maggi in the long jump). Both soccer teams (women and men) failed to get the gold medal although being the favorites and both volleyball teams are in the finals.

8) Collective sports like soccer (well, maybe not women's soccer) and volleyball are heavily supported in Brazil but amateur sports like swimming and track and field receive no support whatsoever. Brazilian athletes who win Olympic gold medals in those sports (like Maggi and Cielo) are the true heroes. Not Ronaldinho and his bunch of millionaires.

More Beijing 2008

More short ones:

1) As of August 14th, South Korea has 6 gold, 7 silver and 3 bronze medals. North Korea has 1, 2 and 4. Together, Korea has 7, 9 and 7.

2) Park Sung-Hyun (South Korea) lost the gold medal to Zhang Juan Juan (China) in the women's individual archery final. Though it was a fantastic upset (after all, Park was defending the olympic title against the 30th seed), I was kind of expecting this after the Chinese athlete won two matches against other top seeded Koreans. The home field factor worked wonders here. Playing in your own country must do wonders for one's motivation to win. And as I was watching the match I couldn't help but think that Zhang deserved it.

3) Does anybody else think that Park Sung-Hyun is cute? By the way, I thought all of those women in archery were cute. Maybe it's the hat.

4) I was counting on women's individual archery as a sure thing when I made my forecast of 4~5 more gold medals for South Korea. I also thought judo would bring us one more gold, but it seems unlikely now. Well, I'll be extremely happy if they get another 3. I'm guessing 2 taekwondo gold medals and one more in some unexpected sport, like always happens.

5) A little historic of olympic medals for South Korea:
Los Angeles 1984: 6 gold / 6 silver / 7 bronze
Seoul 1988: 12/10/11
Barcelona 1992: 12/5/12
Atlanta 1996: 7/15/5
Sydney 2000: 8/10/10
Athens 2004: 9/12/9

6) So far, China is dominating the competition with 22 gold, 8 silver and 5 bronze medals against 10, 8 and 14 for the US (the second place).

Beijing 2008

I'm hooked on the Olympic Games, can't think of anything else during these two and a half weeks. Short ones:

1) As of August 13th, South Korea has 6 gold, 6 silver and 1 bronze medals. North Korea has 1, 2 and 4. Together, Korea has 7 gold, 8 silver and 5 gold medals.

2) Optimistic as I am, I predict South Korea will get another 4~5 gold medals. I'm guessing judo, archery and taekwondo will bring them.

3) Spanish people need to figure some things out. I didn't see this coming but people still managed to turn blatant racism against Asians into an African American issue.

4) I'm also part Brazilian (thus entitled to criticize Brazil) and what a ridiculous performance so far. Only 3 bronze medals??? Ridiculous for such a large and populous country.

5) American TV doesn't care for the Olympic Games.

Oldboy (2003)

A man is locked in a hotel room for 15 years. During that time, the only connection he has with the outside is a TV set through which he sees the changes in the world and the passage of time. It's also through the TV that he receives news that his wife has been murdered and that his daughter was adopted by somebody overseas. No reasons or explanations are given until he suddenly wakes up on the top of a building with a wallet full of money. From then on, he's on a quest to find out why somebody did that to him.

"Oldboy" is disturbing. The themes discussed are even more depressing and shocking than the violence displayed in some scenes. Which isn't an easy thing to do, since it has a fair share of gruesome scenes. Anyway, after the movie is done, the spectator will be feeling at least a little bit uneasy. "Oldboy" will violate you, it will break the notions of decency and morality you have kept during your life. Unless, of course, incest, hate and blind vengeance are no strangers and you deal with it on your day by day.

Despite some over the top performances by the lead male actors and the tendency for whining that the female lead has, it's a well built movie. It's powerful. It makes you think after you're done with it.

My Sassy Girl - Part II

I realize I wrote about this same film just a few posts ago. People may think I love it and guys will be saying that if I write twice about some chick flick I must be gay. Well, I enjoyed "My Sassy Girl" the proper amount and I'm not gay (not that there's anything wrong with that), but in the case of this post it could be replaced by any movie in the same genre.

Romantic comedies usually have happy endings. "My Sassy Girl" (little spoilers ahead) tells the story of a guy who meets a girl in the subway. They date for a while and due to some stuff that happened in the girl's past they have to take a break. Of course, after two or three years, through a few coincidences, they end up meeting again and living happily ever after. Beautiful. Love overcomes everything and if a couple is meant to be together, it doesn't matter what the difficulties are, the world will conspire for that to happen.

It seemed to be the case for Patrick Moberg and Camille Hayton. In November of 2007, Patrick saw Camille in the subway (the "My Sassy Girl" connection) in NY. He was gathering the courage to go talk to her when she disappeared in the crowd. He launched a search for her in the internet, based on a sketch he made of the situation. Like in a romantic comedy, he found her. Like in a romantic comedy, they got together.

For two months.

If their life was a romantic comedy, they'd be together now. They'd be in love with each other forever. Because romantic comedies are are supposed to have happy endings.

Well, just too bad that Patrick and Camille live in the real world.