Love

I've been known to have had some success with girls when I was younger. It's an euphemism, because I was actually a slut. I've always had mirrors available so I can't pretend that I'm extremely handsome. But, as you know, some people use their brains for science, others use it to make money, I used it to get laid. Of course I'm not an ogre and girls would often say I was kinda cute or that I had something that attracted them to me. I'm sorry if you're ugly, but it's easier to get women to sleep with you when you don't look like a troll. Unless you have a lot of money, but that's another story.

Anyway, I've had several girls in my life (before I go any further, I've been always faithful to my wife and I'm quite sure I won't sleep with anybody else for the rest of my life), some were one night stands and I don't even remember their names, others I've dated casually and others I've dated for a long time. Some of them even lasted long enough for me to refer to them as girlfriends. The point of this post is that - not counting my wife - I've been in love only four times (I know some may think four is a big number but give me a break, I started at a young age) and all of them were with Korean girls. I've liked or had some long relationships with non-Korean girls before, but real love, only with Korean girls. It may not sound strange but I have to remind you that I left Korea when I was five and until I got to college I barely had any contact with Korean girls. And even after that, you know, Korean girls only accounted for about one millionth of one percent of the population in the country I was living in, so the vast majority of my relationships and flings were with non-Korean girls.

I grew up in Brazil and in that country children start their "love life" early. I remember back in elementary school when girls used to make up couples according to who liked who. It was a little strange for me for I was a Korean boy who didn't speak Portuguese very well but it wasn't unusual to see boys and girls holding hands during recess and calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend. A little kiss on the lips was very common between those early lovers but of course nobody was making out in elementary school. Making out was something I was introduced to in junior high.

I was finishing elementary school when I met my first love, and let's call her MK. I was in love with her for about 4 years and I have nothing to show for it, at least during that period (aha, a little twist of events brought us together for one night later in life). She was about one year older than me and our families used to hang out.

I met my second love, who I'll call KK, when I was finishing high school (I actually met her on the last day of our college admission test) and ooh la la, she loved me back! We went to the same school and dated for about 4 months in our freshman year. We had to break up due to external reasons (parents thought we were too young to date and Korean society in Brazil is so gossipy) and not because we stopped loving each other. Although, I believe KK started hating me (love and hate are always so close) after we broke up because I was so depressed that I started sleeping with any girl who'd open her legs to me. We barely spoke to each other during the following years together in college and I think she must have suffered a little due to my slutty self (I've heard from some acquantances that she never got married, though that may be due to the fact that she is very hard to deal with).

The third girl I was in love with was ML, and she was the one I met in Korea when I went back there to re-learn the language after college. She also loved me and it was beautiful while it lasted. We had three magical months in Korea, two years of peace in Brazil and one year when everything went down. She was so crazy about me that she decided to leave her country and come live with me in Brazil. After three years of an almost married life, I was neglecting her so much that she stopped loving me. She left me and went back to Korea, breaking my heart so bad that I though I was gonna die.

I always thought you could cure the pain of a lost love with sex and after a year or so of being a slut again I met HB. She was a work colleague who lived in USA with whom I had some work related phone calls from time to time. We began this long distance relationship and on a trip we ended up hooking up. We kept it going for a while but different life goals and the distance ended our doomed relationship. Eventhough I already had plans to move to the USA we couldn't keep the magic going. I believe she loved me back then but I'm not so sure about it now.

And these were the four girls I was in love with before my wife.

I've had some other Asian girlfriends, many of them Brazilian born Koreans, Japanese or Chinese. I've also dated white and black girls. But I never fell in love with any of them because they were lacking something to me. The girls I really loved were not only Koreans, but they also had Korean culture in them. They spoke the language, they acted Korean, they were typical Korean girls. So, what I'm thinking is that, at least for me, it's very hard to fall in love with somebody if you don't share the same cultural background.

Sometimes I felt seriously interested in a particular non-Korean girl and I even thought I could someday come to love her. But this infatuation I felt only lasted for about three months after we slept together. In some cases I kept the relationship going but I was soon feeling sorry for the girl for I knew I would never be in love with her like she was with me. I remember one girl I dated for a year. She was Brazilian born Japanese and I used to wake up in the middle of the night crying, while she was sleeping by my side, because I knew our relationship was going to end some day.

I admire people who can date successfuly outside their race and culture and I really try hard not to be racist. My sister is married to a white guy and I love him like a brother. But although she was born in Korea, she isn't culturally Korean and she never was. She's a Brazilian-American woman, there's very little of Korean in her. That's why their marriage is going well.

Actually I envy the flexibility of non-Koreans when it comes to dating. They can get along with anybody, be it white, yellow, black, brown or purple. But we Koreans are very peculiar people. We need Koreans around us to be happy. There are some things in our culture that don't translate in any other. That's why most of the marriages between typical Korean girls and non-Korean guys don't work so well. The guy may be ok with it but the girl is probably gonna miss Korean culture some day.

Korean guys usually are more attached to "being Korean" than the girls. That's why you rarely see a Korean guy married to a non-Korean girl.

Am I the only one who thinks that way?

I notice now that I didn't mention what happened between me and MK. I will leave it for another post and another day.